I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Terrible idea I love it
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
