I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
