I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Randomize
