You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
