Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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