i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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