in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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