Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
