I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Randomize
