Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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