she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
