My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
