Can i not drive my cunt home
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
