Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
