We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
