I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
