who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
