don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
