STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
