He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
