dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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