i think my tv is drunk
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
My orgasm happened in two different decades
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
