nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
