I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
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