I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
