I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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