That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
