When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I think I am morally bankrupt
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He felt like a one man threesome
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
