I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
