So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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