M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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