I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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