i wish peter jackson would direct porn
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
