im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
