At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I want to make a zoo with you.
the condom got lost in my hair
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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