If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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