she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
