don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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