Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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