i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
