You can't special order awesome
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Acid is not a monday night drug
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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