At least make sure they are 18
Why
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
