Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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