I wanna passion pit in your ass
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
