i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
