I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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