dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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