i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
