Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Randomize
