This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
