Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
