I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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