ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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