i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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