Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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