Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
