i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
