I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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