Welp...herpes.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
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I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
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Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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