actually, I'm a sock model
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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