She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
