doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
