i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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