You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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