Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
