evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Where is the hickey?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
