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I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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