I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
