Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You can't just leave with hair like that
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
