so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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