Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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