he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
