if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Randomize