yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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