Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
