is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
