omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
