i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
