my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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